my dog got put down yesterday. i had her for eight years and it was so before her time. but she got cancer in her shoulder and it was if anything inoperable. and she just lost so much weight to the point where i could pick up a lab without any struggle. and she had a limp because the tumor messed up her right front leg. i miss my baby girl. she was such a loyal dog. always sweet. i wish this didnt happen to her but she was blatantly suffering. and when she got the first shot to make her calm and sleepy she licked me twice on my arm and i cried like a big fucking baby. i want my dog back.
I had a late night last night. I ended up getting majorly drunk with my friend at a recording studio. Our original plan was to go over and get laid. Which is awful but I was horny and I haven’t had sex in a while. So for the first time ever I had to go buy condoms and it wsa kind of awkward but due to the fact that I was already tipsy I didn’t care too much. So I went and I picked up my friend and we got two four lokos and then went to the studio. Well my friend was suppose to hook up with her friend that she’s hooked up with before and I was arranged to be with this frontman to a signed band which is from the town I live in. But things didn’t really go as planned and the frontman ended up going home. So the rest of the night my friend I proceeded to get drunk with her friend and it was a very weird time because he was down for some naughty fun and we weren’t anymore. Now I’m in bed and it’s the middle of the day and I have a damn headache.
So I guess I just kind of blew off this tumblr for a while. I assumed it was just silly. But somehow I gained three followers.
Update time:
Sometimes I feel like I’m just in autopilot. With all the things happening around me. I just refuse to react to them at all times. I mean lately I’ve been frustrated. With school, because I’m way behind with my procrastination and I cannot for the life of me find interest in my classes that I have this semester. I need summer break already. I need to clear my mind. Then there’s my part time job. Which I bust my ass at. And everything I do never gets appreciated. If I left, my boss couldn’t give less of a shit. And I recently stopped talking to the guy I was interested in. It was going no where and he didn’t really care. Which sucks frankly. I mean I’m not crying over it, I gave it up. It’s just like I don’t know disappointing. In less than two days I have that procedure coming up about HPV. I’m a bit freaked out. My mother and I had a huge fight about it because she wanted to be in the room during the procedure and I’m not comfortable with that. It’s my choice anyway with me being legal. She for the most part has been very destructive about this, making me feel like a bad person. And then like a week and half ago a friend of mine confessed that he planned on saving up for a shot gun to kill himself with. I cried. I was so upset. I mean life can be so shitty at this point in our life… but I don’t understand why people see the need to end their life. You’re not alone. There is professional help. And somewhere out there has gone through something similar to have you have. I just wish people could find more strength. Life is so stressful lately. I just get high and drunk lately to just numb the world.
wishing i could take back the affection i’ve given
I guess I came to the conclusion tonight that I’m kind of a whore. I guess I hide it well if you don’t really know me but if you’re my close friend, you’ll realize that I’m kind of a slut. I have made out with roughly 28 people from my highschool freshmen year to my college freshmen year. I lost my virginity at 18 but I have managed to sleep with 5 people from then to now, I’m 19. I don’t know why I did it. I guess I just really didn’t give a shit. The guy I lost my virginity too was the next guy I dated after I was dumped by the first guy I ever fell in love with. So I guess I did it just to cope, or try to attempt to feel something, it’s all fucked up. None of the guys I’ve had sex with really mattered to me. They never really will either. And now I’m just stuck here wishing I was still a virgin. Or at least I didn’t have as many sexual partners as I have now in so little time. I’m ashamed. I never want this for my future kids.
the results
I guess I should include a semi bio;
- I’m nineteen years old
- Female
- Live in Florida, USA
- Attend college
Ok… good enough
Today I found out I’m positive for HPV. I feel like absolute shit. I’m mad at the asshole that gave it to me. Mad at myself for not insisting to use condoms always. Mad at my father who was totally against me getting the vaccine when it was offered to me when I was younger. I feel disgusting. The virus is highly common among the sexual active but you never think you’re going to be the one who gets it. It was embarrassing having to call and tell my mom the news. From as far as she knew I was still her virgin daughter. I’m sure she had some kind of assumption that was entirely the truth anymore but I don’t think either of us wanted the other to know the truth. She handled it pretty well for the most part of her being a conservation Christian parent. I have to go into the office later this month for a procedure and more information. I’m highly upset. Now eventually my mom is going to have to tell my father and I’ll have to deal with more embarrassment. Surprisingly when I told the guy who I’m now seeing about this he didn’t reject me like I assumed he would. It was a relief because I was so afraid of being looked down on. I guess the moral of this story is use a condom and be careful with who you have sex with.
